


Born to Die {Dan Howell x Reader}

by PenName_Crystal_Vibe



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), youtube - Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 01:45:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17819480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenName_Crystal_Vibe/pseuds/PenName_Crystal_Vibe
Summary: Everybody's got their problems.But what happens when Dan gets an email from an anonymous fan, about wanting to commit suicide?He won't stop searching until her finds this person and helps them.





	1. Overview

Y/N -Your Name

L/N- Last Name

Y/A- Your Age

H/C- Hair Colour

E/C- Eye Colour

F/F - Favourite Food

F/D- Favourite Drink

C/Y/L - Country You Live in

F/S - Favoruite Song

M/N - Middle Name

more will be added when I think of them......

ALSO WARNING

DEALS WITH TOUCHY SUBJECTS  
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK


	2. Born To Die

Dan sat in front of his laptop, bored he started to scroll through the emails sent for the internet support group videos.

He scrolled carelessly, until one caught his attention.

_Anon/Anon/????_

_Hey Dan_

_I am constantly bullied and bullied and I don't know how to make them stop._

_They pick on me because I'm Pan and I hear voices and see things that aren't actually there._

_I don't know how to make the pain stop._

_My family doesn't know yet and I don't want to quite come out yet._

_I feel like the only way to cope is to die._

_After all, we're all born to die right?_

_Anyway, you probably won't see this coz you'll have so many._

_But if you do,_

_I want to die._

Dan's eyes widened and he clicked the reply button, typing up an email.

_Dear Anon_

_Don't kill yourself, whatever you're going through, I will help you._

_Just email me back okay?_

_Don't kill yourself over some bullies._

_-Dan_

He pressed send, hoping that he'd sent it in time.

Dan closed the computer, vowing one thing.

To find this anonymous emailer and help them.

**~~~~~~~**

You sat in your room, phone in hand watching YouTube. 

The voices annoying the hell out of you.

They had always been there, telling you what to do.

There was five of them.

Cass - Friendly. Her. Long brown hair, brown eyes and a pretty smile.

 _Hayse_ \- Kind. Him. White hair, baby blue eyes and he was short.

 **Lilac-**  Nasty. Her. Long black hair, beady red eyes and ugly fashion sense.

 ** _Yin_**  and  _Yang_  - Twins, both boys, one had blond hair and the other red, you hadn't ever seen their eyes and they were children.

They were all the reason why you had no friends, why you were bullied and why you wanted to die. Well more Lilac for the last bit. 

You had emailed Dan in hope of getting some help from someone who may understand.

Even your parents were on the verge of getting you diagnosed with MPD.

But you knew that these weren't multiple personalities, they were all their own entity and your body just hadn't had a stronger one, they were all equal and right now it was your turn to be in control.

"Would you all just piss off." you hissed, staring at them all.

A notification went off on your phone and you checked it.

"He answered." you whispered.

**No, he didn't. Ignore it, it's probably some fake troll.**

You ignored Lilac's snide remark and opened it up with a smile.

You read through the email and almost squealed, "He actually answered me, out of everyone. He actually answered me." you fan(girl/boyed) quietly.

_Good for you Y/N._

"Thanks Hayes, what should I do guys?" you asked, looking at them.

Yes, it was true that they were annoying, but you depended on them to help you make decisions. 

Message him back!

_Say thanks_

**Ignore it, go and cry into you pillow.**

**_ We don't know, we're to young to understand what's going on. _ **

You laughed, still ignoring Lilac, "Okay, I'll do it. I'll message him back, saying thanks." you say, looking down at the phone screen, feeling the happiest you'd ever been.

You laid down and get comfortable, one thought going through your head as you drifted off to sleep.

Daniel Howell actually messaged you back.


	3. Off To The Races

What could make your life any worse then it already sounded?

Funny you should asked.

Not only did you not have friends and heard voices, but your parents, they weren't the best.

They had a kind of Harley and Joker relationship, and not the cute Suicide Squad one either.

The government had taken away any siblings you had had, but your mother always seemed to be able to hide you. 

But now, it was your choice now whether you stayed or not, since you were 20.

Of course, you stayed, why?

Well that was because your mother still cared, you could tell. 

It was probably your father's fault you heard voices.

It wasn't always this way, you had friends once, but they all abandoned you once they met him.

So, are you gonna e-mail him back?

You smiled and nodded, opening the e-mail.

You pressed reply;

_OMG. I can't believe you actually answered._

_This wasn't clickbait I swear._

_And it's not just bullies._

_Thank you for actually caring._

_-Anon_

You clicked send, before Lilac could put her two scents worth in.

"Y/N!" you heard you name being called.

You put your phone down, reluctantly getting up.

**Somebodies in trouble**

You ignored Lilac still, walking towards the stairs and down them.

You arrived in the lounge room to find your mother pass out on the lounge and your father, drunk as usual.

"Y/N." your father said, walking towards you.

You took a few steps back, a little worried at what was going to happen.

Your father kept walking towards you.

You kept moving backwards until you were near the stairs.

"Awe come on Y/N, stop running away from your dad." he said, reaching you and grabbing your arm.

You yanked your arm out of his grasp, "You're sick. Stay the fuck away from me." you spit, starting back up the stairs.

You watch as his face twisted in anger, "Y/N Grant, YOU DARE TO DISRESPECT ME. I AM YOUR FATHER AND YOU WILL DO AS I SAY!" he yells making you jump.

"You're crazy." you say, almost half way up the staircase.

"SAYS THE ONE WITH MPD." he shot back, starting to climb the stairs.

Something snapped inside your head and you rushed up the stairs hurrying to your room and locking the door.

You could hair him coming up the hallway, you quickly picked your backpack, you didn't really care what clothes you packed in it, you just shoved them in along with your phone charger and portable charger.

You quickly rushed over to your wardrobe, opening and pulling a jar of money out, you were saving up to go to university but could never be bothered. 

You shoved it in the bag, closing it.  

You grabbed your phone, pocketing it you ran over to your window and opened it, jumping out onto the tree branch, balancing across it and climbing down the tree, running away from there.

You could here your father  yelling for you not to ever come back.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Dan was sitting in the kitchen, eating a bowl of ice cream and listening to Muse when he heard Phil call.

He stood up and walked to Phil's room, "Yeah." he said.

"Who is Anon?" he asked, clicking on the e-mail.

Dan freaked out, "You know the internet support group thing I do?" he asked.

Phil looked up at him, nodding.

"Well this person, they didn't put their name on the e-mail. Anon is short for anonymous. Anyway, they messaged me saying they wanted to kill themselves, so I e-mailed them back telling them not to and that I'd help them with their problems." Dan explained. 

Phil stood up and walked over to Dan, hugging him. 

"What was that for?" Dan asked.

"I'm happy you're helping someone. Now you need to answer them." Phil said, pulling Dan over to the computer with him.


	4. Blue Jeans

You ran to the only place you felt safe.

Your aunt's house, it was about an hour away walking but it only took you forty minutes.

You stood at the door, knocking rapidly on the door.

After five minutes of knocking, your aunt answered the door.

"Oh. Y/n, what's wrong?" she asked.

"P-Please can I come in?" you asked.

She nodded and let you in.

You walked in and got a sense of feeling at home, you hadn't been here in years but remembered when your mother used to bring you here to escape your father's wrath.

"Is everything okay Y/n?" your aunt asked, leading you into the kitchen.

You sat down and felt tears begin to fall down your cheeks.

"Awe, don't cry Sunshine." your aunt said.

The nickname made you smile, "It's m-my father." you say.

Your aunt's face twisted into a frown, "What's my brother done this time? Besides stop you from seeing me for six years." she asked.

You bit your lip, "I, I think that he's really hurting mum bad now. I only stayed to make sure she was safe because she refuses to leave him. She keeps saying that he's not the man I think he is, but I've seen it. Aunt Liz, he was going to try rape me so I ran away." you finish, the tears still running down your cheeks.

Liz smiled, "Awe, come on Sunshine, put a smile on that face. You can stay here with your fun aunt." she said.

You laugh a little, "Can I really?" you ask.

"Yes, but first, we are going to dry those tears and go and get some ice cream." Liz said with a smile.

"Ooo, are we gonna get ice cream? Can't we just go to Starbucks?" you asked.

"No." Liz answered with a smirk.

"Why?" you whine.

"That's what you get for not seeing me for ten years." Liz said.

"Hey, to be fair, I was ten the last time you saw me, that mean for eight of those years my parents still had a say in what I did." you say, standing up and wiping your face on the sleeve of your shirt.

"While that is true, you've know had two years of your own accord." Liz said, "Where you could've come and seen your aunt." Liz said.

"I haven't really left the house in ten years." you said.

**I wonder why that is.**

"Why's that?" Liz asked, as you both walked to her car.

"Well, according to my father, I have MPD. But it's not that true, I have these entities that follow me around, some of them are okay. I think they appeared as a coping mechanism for my loneliness. So I don't leave because they go everywhere with me and people look at me like I'm insane when I talk to them." you say, hoping into the car.

Liz smiled, "So Cass is still there." she said, hoping in as well.

"You know about Cass?" you asked.

Of course she does, you guys used to play dress up with me when you were little.

"Of course, don't you remember. You, Cass and I used to play dress ups." Liz said, backing out of the driveway and driving towards the ice cream palour.

Told you.

I turned to face the back seat, glaring at apparently nothing.

"So, who else is following you around?" Liz asked.

"Oh...um. Well there's Hayse, he's kind and fun to be around. Yin and Yang, they're twin boys, children, about eight years old. Then there's Lilac." you sneered her name.

**Respect me peasant!**

"What's wrong with Lilac?" Liz asked, as we pulled up to the palour.

"I'll tell you later. I don't really want her ruining this for me. I haven't had ice cream in years." you say, hopping out of the car.

Liz laughed, following you as you rushed into the parlour.

You rushed over to a table near the back of the parlour, sitting down.

Liz sat down across from you with a smile, "You go first." she said, pushing the money across the table.

You smiled, getting up and walking over to where the ice cream was, you pointed out which on you wanted and the lady made up the ice cream.

You thanked her, giving her the money and recieving the change. Just before you went to turn around you heard familiar voice.

"You promise that we will go to Starbucks after this?" the masculine voice asked.

"Of course Bear, but I won so we will be getting ice cream!" another voice said.

You quickly made your way back to the table, trying not to have a panic attack.

"What's up Sunshine?" Liz asked, trying not to laugh at what you looked like.

"D-d- I- Help me." you squeaked out, trying to hide behind your hands.

_Awe. Come on, it'll be okay. It's not like they're going to walk over._

You nodded slightly, agreeing with Hayse, you looked up and wished you hadn't. 

The two voices were heading your way.

"Come on Sun, answer me." Liz said, shaking your arm.

"I stuffed up." you whispered, biting your lip.

"How?" Liz asked, smiling at you.

You breathed in.

Just tell her, she'll understand.

Yuou nod, "So there's this YouTuber I watch, he's amazing, funny and relatable. He does this thing where fans send stuff in and he tries to help them. I sent an e-mail in with some pretty horrible stuff and he saw it. Now I want to die because-"

"What did you write in the letter?" Liz asked, a worried look in her eyes.

You bit your lip, "Hey Dan, I am constantly bullied and bullied and I don't know how to make them stop. They pick on me because I am Pan and I hear voices and I see things that aren't actually there. I don't know how to make the pain stop. My family doesn't know and I don't want to quite come out yet. I feel like the only way to cope is to die. After all, we're all born to die right? Anyway you probably won't see this coz you'll have so many. But if you do, I want to die." you say, looking down at the table, you could feel the melted ice cream leaking down onto your hands but you ignored it.

You heard the two boyish voice stop near you.

"Awe, sunny. I'm sure you''ll-"

"Phil, Phil that's them." you heard not far from you. 

You truly wanted to die now.

"Which one?" you assumed Phil asked.

You gulped, 'Please don't come over.' you willed.

"The older one you dingus." the other person said.

You heard the footsteps get closer until they stopped right in front of your table.

"Um, Lana, I'm a massive fan. Can I get your autograph?" you heard the one of the guys say.

"Please go away." you whispered, burying your face in between your arms, ignoring the ice cream dripping into your hair.

"That's not very nice Sunny. Apologise." Liz said, crossing her arms.

You shook your head, feeling the eyes of the two boys burning into the top of your head.

"Y/N Grant, you say sorry right now."  Liz said.

You felt it coming, the anger rise up inside you, "FOR FUCK SAKE AUNT LIZ. THAT'S FUCKING DAN. YOU KNOW THAT FUCKING DAN. THE ONE I TOLD I WANTED TO DIE." you screamed out, standing up, dropping your ice cream on the table and storming out of the parlour.

 


	5. Video Games

You ran around the side of the parlour, sinking down the wall, you could feel the tears well up in your eyes.

**Ha ! You're such a fuck up!**

You didn't even try to fight what Lilac was saying, she was right.

_That's not true! You are an amazing person, you just need work on social skills. Everyone needs some form of upgrade on social skills._

Hayes's words made you feel a little better, but what Lilac had said, you still agreed with.

"I'm sure they went this way!" you could hear Phil's voice going in the opposite direction.

"No they didn't." you heard a quieter voice heading in your direction, you knew the voice belonged to Dan.

He rounded the corner and came face to face with you, curled up against the wall with tears streaming down your cheeks.

"Hey. Are you okay?" he asked, bending down to almost be at your level.

You looked up at him your e/c eyes shone with admiration.

"Yes." you said, it barely coming out in a whisper.

He put a hand on you shoulder, "Hey, everything will be fine. You just have to go apologise to Lana, I'm sure she'll forgive you." he said.

You let out a half hearted laugh, "Her name is Elizabeth." you say, feeling slightly more confident around your biggest idol.

"Who?" Dan asked, confused.

"My aunt. Her name isn't Lana, it's Elizabeth. Lana is just a stage name." you say.

"Oh, and what about you?" he asked.

You cocked your head at him, 'Didn't he hear Aunt Liz say it?' you thought.

**Of course he did, he's just being nice you dumb bitch.**

You flinched a her harsh words and Dan gave you a worried look.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.

"Yeah." you breathed out, hoping the uncertainty wasn't clear in your voice.

There was a comfortable silence between you both before your remembered his question.

"My name is y/n." you say, making him jump.

"Pardon?" he asked.

"You asked my name, it's y/n." you say, your voice oozing with confidence.

He laughed, "It's a very lovely name." he said, standing back up and offering you a hand.

You took it and he hoisted you up.

The motion was so quick that you lost your footing and fell into him, your arms falling hard against his chest.

"Hey you found theeeee-" Phil said, spotting the two of you.

You quickly leapt away from him, a dark blush spreading across your face.

"Hey Phil." Dan said casually, a smirk on his face.

"Lana is looking for you." Phil said, looking at you, "She's really worried about you."

You just nodded, "Bye." you squeaked, rushing past Phil and back to your aunts car.

"Oh y/n, thank god." Liz said, hugging you.

"Let's go!" you say, pulling away from her and quickly hopping in the car.

Liz raised an eyebrow but hopped in the car, turning it on and leaving the place.

You let out a sigh of relief.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Soooo" Phil said as he and Dan walked back into the parlour.

"So what?" Dan asked, making his was back to the table and retrieving his half melted cup of ice cream.

"What do you think of Anon?" Phil asked, picking his up and spooning some into his mouth.

Dan smiled, spotting the paper on the table, he picked it up and read over it.

"I think that they are just misunderstood." he stated, pocketing the paper.

Phil nodded.

"Now. TO STARBUCKS!" Dan said, rushing out of the parlour.

Phil laughed, shaking his head and following Dan.


End file.
